This weekend was kinda relaxing; watched some tv, walked
around at South Coast Mall, ate out a few times, slept in… mmmm 

I think we’re going to take the dogs to the Irvine Spectrum in a bit to walk
around…

 

 

I’m still alive.  And I’m okay.  Just hanging in here.  Right now it’s 7:26 p.m. and I’m still at the office.  But I’m leaving soon.  I think I’m going to hit the gym later.  Still deciding on that.

 

I love the weather today.  Smells like it’s about to rain. 

 

Got a few things going on this end of the year.  This weekend I’m going to S’s company Christmas party.  And then next weekend I’m going to a friend’s company Christmas party.  Weekend after that I have a wedding to attend.  And then it’s Christmas and New Year’s already.  Too fast.  But it’s okay, I guess this year has been a pretty good year.

 

Ok, that’s it for today, I’ll update more tomorrow.

 

 

S is sleeping … and I can’t sleep.  I’ve been very troubled lately about this topic, this word, this saying called “love”.  So I decided to google, “What is love…”    I didn’t find anything good…        But I believe “love” is a lot of things besides that feeling you get when you think you found the right person, or when you’re so happy together dining out, traveling, holding hands, and watching movies together.  ……Or being there to celebrate the joyous moments together.  Those things are only the beginning, and can only go so deep….and so far.  And I always say, if it’s eating, watching movie, and holding hands…. What’s so special about that?  I can do that with anyone and anyone can do that with me.  Nothing special about it.  Nothing to cherish.  And nothing to appreciate.

 

Love it A LOT of work.

 

Loves means also sticking around when things don’t seem so good.

 

Loves means not turning the other way because the bad stuff isn’t fun to deal with or think about.

 

Love may get uncomfortable sometimes.

 

Love means sometimes putting aside your own wants and considering what the other person needs.

 

Love means, sometimes you may need to do things you don’t feel like doing.

 

Love means thinking about a problem instead of wishing it would just go away.

 

Love is really hard.

 

Love can feel very difficult.

 

Love is not a constant keeping score to keep things fair.

 

Love is doing.

 

Love is not doing just the things that come easy, but also doing those things that takes patience.

 

Loving someone, sometimes you have to set aside the “self” the “I”, ….. the “ego”, and make little sacrifices along the way by doing things that may seem unfair or   unreasonable.  But how can one think about or define love in terms of fairness or reason?  Because when someone is willing to make those sacrifices for the one they say they love, this person can be positive they will be loved in the same way when the time comes they are in need of something that may seem unfair and unreasonable to the other person now.

 

I’m not saying I am able to do those things with perfection.  I can’t.  But I am willing to try for the person I say I love.

 

There.  Those are my thoughts on love.  Hm.  Every other word is “love”.  I think this is the most I’ve said this word in a long time.

 

But anyhow, I may talk about this lightly, even jokingly….. I may only casually mention this from time to time.  I get very serious, but almost immediately brighten up with laughter and jokes.  It doesn’t mean I forgot.  It doesn’t mean it’s not on my mind.  But these are values that mean a lot to me.  I am not a nagging person, or someone who just likes to hear myself talk,…. I don’t persist in things that don’t work.

 

S always likes to say he doesn’t know what I’m talking about, or he asks me what I want him to do.  And I’m always stumped for words on the spot.  I end up feeling like maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing.  But after thinking things over… it’s really not one big thing… it’s little things that seem so minute in everyday life I pick up here and there.  But added up together … it’s one big thing that means something to me.

 

And another thing is S never really talks about anything besides what is obvious on the outside.  For instance…. What are the things that he doesn’t like about me?  He’ll get mad at me when some situation arises… But he’s never directly told me something about me that he doesn’t like, or bugs him.  Granted I’d prefer he told me in a loving, “I’m-sharing-my-thoughts-with-you” kinda way.  Because I sure as hell know I’m no where near perfect and I can bug the shit out of people.  Well, I guess he has kinda said stuff.  He’s said he can’t stand it when I’m crazy messy, and I’m working on that.  And he’s also in some random way told me he doesn’t like it when I talk crap about other people.  He actually told it to me in the form of a quote I’m sure everyone has read or heard somewhere, “Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about other people.”  --- Well great people are more tactful in their approaches, and average people just shut up"---- okay I’m just kidding.  Let me just clarify…. I don’t talk crap about people like it’s my favorite pastime, or talk crap about people to whoever I meet.  I only tell S certain thoughts I have about certain people…..        Okay, so I can live with that… I can accept the fact that it might make him uncomfortable if he had to agree or disagree with me about the people I’m talking about.  Just like I don’t like it when he makes remarks about other people’s looks or shortcomings for fun, ESPECIALLY if what he’s saying is true.  So I tell him, “Babe, I really don’t like it when you talk about other people like that.  It really bugs me.”  But all that is beside the point.  My point IS, I try to demonstrate getting a point across without insulting the other person.  I could have just used his way and said, “You know, great people don’t make fun of other people and then laugh at their own immature remarks like a 5 year old without any manners.”

 

The thing is, anytime S tries to tell me something, along the way he makes analogies, examples, and remarks sound very insulting… and if I point it out, he’ll say he’s not and that he was only saying.  Another time was when I repeatedly said I want to win the lottery so I don’t have to work anymore.  And he said, “You need to stop talking about winning the lottery, cause only those low class people keep talking about it.” –or something similar.  Tell me if you wouldn’t be insulted if your other half said something like that.  From that remark, he wasn’t very understanding of me….. I talk about everything all the time when that’s the new interest in my life.  But he only focused on the bad.  For instance, S helped me set up a saltwater fish tank…. And for the last 3 weeks all I talk about everyday is fishies this and fishies that, fish diseases, fish white spots, fish water…….         But when the lottery thing he came up, he couldn’t have nicely told me that he doesn’t like it when I keep dreaming about winning money.  Instead he said I sound like low class people.

 

I’m not saying these things cause I’m mad… I’m saying these things and bringing it up now… cause I want it to be known that words are powerful and can be hurtful.  Sometimes it does more damage than good.  I’m writing it now cause I think sometimes people don’t know the affect they have on other people just because things ‘look’ fine on the outside and so much time has passed since whichever incident.  But with each new incident, it adds to the old one. 

 

That’s why if I ever do something hurtful or upsetting, I’d like to know (in a loving manner).  Because keeping it from me may be more damaging to the relationship than good.

 

I believe things can only improve if we’re willing to look at what has happened in the past.  But for people who don’t like confrontation, don’t like to talk about unhappy stuff, avoids topics, feels like other people are trying to change them, what do I do?

 

 

This week went by kinda fast.  Could be because I was at a conference for 2 days and Monday was a holiday.  I’m barely just eating my lunch right now.  Just eating veggies and tofu.  Tonight I’m having dinner with my parents and my aunt who is visiting from Taiwan.  Then later I’ll head down to Irvine to meet up with S to watch 3:10 to Yuma.  Christian Bale…. Yummy.  And then tomorrow I think we’re going to Knott’s Berry Farm for the day.  Got a full weekend.  Hopefully I’ll be able to squeeze some gym time in this weekend.  Usually if I’m spending time with S, I can never get to the gym.  Cause he doesn’t like to go to 24 Hour, and if I ask him if he wants to go with me, even just for 30 minutes, he’ll kinda brush it off and say, “oh, we’ll see.”  --- which really means he doesn’t want to go and he going to pretend he forgot all about it later. 

 

Okay, back to finishing up my lunch… Hope everyone has a good weekend.

 

Attending a 2 day conference.... staying at the Sheraton.

 

Today was the 1^st day of school and I had classes from 1 p.m. – 10 p.m.  I’m ready to go to bed now.  So tired.  It’s back to the office tomorrow and going to have to really bust my fanny.  Never seems to be enough time for anything these days.

 

I tested the water for my little salt water aquarium today and of course the water isn’t anywhere near ready yet.  But I’m SO excited.  Can’t wait to put fishies in there.

 

Going to bed now.  Getting up at 6 a.m. to hit the gym in my apartment complex for a quick 3 mile run in the morning.  Then later in the afternoon I’ll probably hit the gym again for another 45 minutes of weight training.  And of course there’s flute lessons at night at 7:45.

 

S and I slept in today till about 12 p.m. and boy did it feel great!  S made breakfast; coffee, nutria-grain
waffles with syrup and spray butter.  So
good.  I didn’t want to go out right away
so I  watched Grease for the 100^th
time since it was showing on cable. 
Afterwards we went to the Irvine Nordstrom Rack….shopped there for a
bit.  I got a few tops and dresses.  Nothing fancy, just everyday stuff.  Then later S took me to a fish store for…… I
don’t know for what … he just wanted to go in and look around.  But “I” walked out with a 8 gallon fish tank,
live rock, live sand, and spending $300!! 
We then drove from Irvine to
my office in Rowland Heights to set it up.  But I can’t put any fish in it till a week
later.  I can’t wait!  So excited!

 

Ok, really tired now…. It’s 4
a.m. 

 

More tomorrow… nite.

 

Happy Friday all!  School starts next week.  Poo.

 

Breakfast today was 3 scrambled egg whites, 1 scoop isopure protein powder, and one serving on the Trader Joe’s blueberry oatmeal.  Very healthy breakfast I must say AND it tasted good.  Lunch was a grilled chicken salad from McDonalds with my own Trader Joe’s ff balsamic vinaigrette.

 

I’ll be stopping by the gym soon for 40 minutes of cardio and then hopefully I’ll have enough time to go get a pedicure after.  I haven’t had time to do any of the girl stuff lately cause I’ve been so busy with work so I’m really looking forward to it.

 

During lunch today I also went to the optometrist and got a prescription for contacts.  I haven’t worn contacts in over 3 years now, too lazy….  But lately I’ve been driving around a lot at night and I can’t really see well so it might be a good idea to start wearing them again.  And I hate glasses cause they always slide off nose.

 

I’m heading down to Irvine later tonight after work.  S is going to take me to dinner and watch a movie after.  He said tomorrow we can go to South Coast and go shopping.  Then I think Sunday I need to go home and get ready for 10 hours of school on Monday.  I have all my class on Monday from 1 p.m. to 10 p.m.  And then Wednesdays I have to stop by school for 1.5 hours in the middle of the day.  I think it’s easier to try and cram everything in one day rather than spread it out on different days.  We’ll see.  Kind of experimenting and see how I feel….

 

Let’s see… what else is there…..             I think that’s it.  Nothing else to update.

 

I haven’t had time to post over the last couple of weeks.  But I’m still here and still doing the same stuff.  It’s nearing the end of the year for me, which means I’m super busy with work trying to really meet my goals.  I’m still going to the gym about 4 to 5 times a week.  But I really have to work hard at squeezing them in.  I’m actually kind of experimenting with a new workout routine.  Instead of going in 1x a day and staying there for about 2 hours.  I go in 2x a day and stay about 40 minutes each time.  I noticed that even though when I go twice a day, my time in the gym has been cut back, but the number of calories I burn are pretty much the same as if I went 1x a day for 2 hours.  I think it’s because when I split it up, I can go at it full force for the 30-40 minuets that I’m there.  So typically I burn about 500 calories a day.  Oh, by the way, I’m cycling my routine to focusing on cardio again.  (This is kinda fun.)  So I always have my gym stuff in my car.  If I have time in the middle of the work day I just swing by the gym and do my thing.  I think I actually like it better this way too, cause it makes the workout go by in a flash.  It almost feels like I just got in .. and then it’s times up.

 

For breakfast today I had  a scoop of protein powder and 1 eggo with butter spray.  Lunch was Japanese.  I only had a few pieces of sushi and 6 pieces of salmon sashimi.  Throughout the day I had a pack of oatmeal for a snack and also a protein bar, 1 bag of 100 cal kettle corn.  I just got home, from work right now so I don’t think I’m going to eat a full on dinner.  But I am going to cook and pack lunch for tomorrow.

 

Hope everyone is having a good week so far.

 

I might want to do a morning workout tomorrow morning.  So if I can get myself out of bed at 5:45 a.m., then I’m hitting the gym for 40 minutes.

 

Happy Saturday afternoon, all!  S and I just got back from getting my car washed and the carpets shampooed.  Feel so much cleaner.  We’re trying to sell my BMW since I got my new Mini now.

 

I’m about to head out to the gym for an hour of cardio.  While S is back down in Irvine with my BMW.  He said he’s going to clean the leather and my engine.  Sexy isn’t it?  A man who knows how to do these things.  I didn’t even know people clean their engines.  Why?

 

This morning we got up around 11:30.  Lazy morning.  We had the left over KFC for a snack.  And then headed out to the car wash.  Then for a light lunch we had Del Taco, each had 2 tacos no cheese, and S ordered a Berrylicious shake.

 

Not sure what dinner is going to be yet.  He’s coming back to my place to get me, then we’re both going to pick my mom up for a show tonight.  We’ll probably grab something quick on the way there if we don’t have enough time to go into a restaurant to eat.  But who knows, we’ll see how things shape up.  For right now, gotta get to the gym.

 

Have a fabulous Saturday!